Do not worry....really?!

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Phillippians 4:4-7

When I first met Jesus, really met Jesus, I was taking three to four Xanax a day. My anxiety was suffocating. I really thought my heart might literally beat out of my chest. It was bad.

The Philippians verse is one of the first verses God led me to. I knew He was speaking directly to me. The passage jumped off the page and I read and re-read it. I then thought about it in its true context. Paul, writing to the church in Philippi while he was chained to a Roman centurion. He knew his end was coming. What in the world did he have to be rejoicing about?!! He certainly had every right to be anxious!!

At the time, it gave me great strength to read his words and realize the Lord was indeed near. There was peace in that. I was freed from my daily need for Xanax only using them to sleep occasionally. But I found it impossible to completely give up worry. To not be anxious about certain things. The pressures of life that led me to this place were still there. There were still too many bills and a declining economy.

Over the past few weeks the worry has started to mount a bit more, and I even though I kept going back to that passage, I didn't really think the peace Paul wrote about was attainable, at least not in my current situation. I considered getting my prescription refilled.

I started looking up every reference to worry, anxiety, fear, etc. in the bible. As I wrote the passages down and started to read and re-read them, I kept coming back to the same thing. Almost everywhere you find those words in the bible, it says "do not" before them.

"This is what the Lord says to you: "Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's." - 2 Chronicles 20:15

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." - Joshua 1:9

"So, do not fear, for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10

"Peace I leave you with, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." - John 14:27

I recognized that God wasn't requesting we not be anxious or worried, He was telling us NOT to be. Wow, so now my anxious thoughts and worry are a sin. I also noticed in all the passages when we are told not to worry, we are told that our God is there, giving us strength. Well, I read them and yes, I understand God is with me, but still the worry and anxiety creep in and steal that promised peace.

So, where do I go from here. Well, I took it to my Lord. I went straight to the source and asked Him. "Lord, as I see it, anxiety and worry are a sin. I don't want to sin against your but I don't know how to stop the worry. It seems to be a natural effect of my circumstance. Please Lord, help me. Show me what you mean when you say I will receive a peace that transcends all understanding. Please Lord, show me the way."

Well, our God being totally faithful, has given me answers. He has spoken directly to my question since I asked it, showing me scripture and putting lessons in front of me. My righteous Lord is giving me my request. My joy is being established, truly established.

How you ask? Let me start with this, the day after putting my anxiety question to God, I heard a lesson on the Philippians 4 verses. In that lesson, the pastor pointed out "the peace doesn't come in the answers but in the conversation."

As I wrote that in the margin of my bible next to the verse, I heard God say loud and clear...."Sweetie, you can talk to Me about anything. Any worry, any anxious thought, bring it to Me like an old friend, your Mother, your spouse. But I unlike them, am your Lord and I have the power to do something about them. I alone can give you the strength to overcome."

I realized right then, my anxiety came from not trusting God with my problems. I was not giving him the credit of the conversation, of laying it all out to Him. I was not intimately going to Him with all of my worries and fears, no matter how big or how small. But most importantly, I had not humbled myself completely and totally to Him. I had not submitted every ounce of my own will to Him. The anxiety came because I felt out of control, when I never was intended to be in control. I felt like I ought to the one to solve my problems, forgetting that everything...everything is from God.

I have now turned my study to what it is to be meek. What it is to have poverty of spirit. What it is to totally, I mean totally, submit my life to God. As we embark on the Lenten season, I have made it my Lenten promise to ask God to show me the areas of my life that I am still trying to control. The things I refuse to turn over to him. Over the next few weeks, I would love for you to join me in the exploration. I will be posting my Lenten messages on Wednesday nights (I know, I am a day late already!). I hope you will join me.

Much love and God Bless.
Michelle